A couple weeks ago, I got an email from a woman I had lost touch with, calling me "poison" and telling me she couldn't remember me doing a single thing for her, and she listed off some random things she had done for me. I was able to give her numerous examples of things I had "done" for her, but I found myself more annoyed than defensive at having to justify my end of our friendship.
I honestly hadn't put a lot of thought into whether every friendship I had had an equal input/output of money, time and energy between both parties. Friendships are so unique, and if you had to catalogue everything on paper, it would be impossible to quantify.
I have some friends that I have parenting styles in common with. Other friends with hobbies in common. I've taught a few friends to knit. I've put hours into teaching them the skills that were taught to me, in hopes that the hobby will bring them as much satisfaction as I've had with it. Do I expect those hours repaid to me in other ways? Absolutely not. My time spent teaching is just as valuable as time I would receive being taught. Perhaps a part of me hopes that they become as addicted to yarn as I am, but I don't hand someone a pair of needles and a ball of yarn with that in mind.
I ran this morning with a friend. At the moment, I can run faster than she can because she is just getting back into running. While we both got a great workout, we both got different things out of it: she is building up her endurance/speed and I was desperate for some companionship because my current iPod playlists are getting old. So which one of us came out ahead? At the end of the run, we both had a great time despite gaining different things.
I have had times in my life where my friends have carried me through. I've leaned on my friends to get a logical perspective on situations I may have made irrational choices on. My friends have been there for me, without mention of what I owe them for their time and lost brain cells. It is absolutely assumed that I will be there in a heartbeat when they need an ear, shoulder or car seat tech.
I've had to take a step back with some people. Is the friendship working for me? Am I getting what I need from my friends, and am I prepared to offer myself to them when they are in need? Are my friends adding good to my life and helping me move up and ahead? If I'm answering 'yes' to all of those questions, then it really doesn't matter if the hypothetical scorecard is even.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
New Blog, Ongoing Journey
Four years ago, I weighed 310lbs. I was in pain, miserable, tired and desperate to regain the control I felt I had lost. I had given birth to my second child in December 2009, heavier than I had ever been before. I had just left behind a career I worked years to build.
I began working out as soon as I was cleared by my doctor. The first 40lbs came off fairly easily. Then I stalled - for almost a year. I learned that my body doesn't like to lose weight when I'm breastfeeding. It was frustrating because I had always heard that breastfeeding was a sure-fire way to drop weight by the tonne. When my son weaned at 17mos, I dropped 30lbs within a month. I started running, and completed 2 trail races. I became pregnant with my 3rd child midway through 2008 and tried my best to control my weight gain.
When she was born in March 2009, I was 265lbs. Surprisingly, I felt better than I had with either of my first 2 pregnancies. I attribute a lot to regular chiropractic adjustments and a lot of walking. I expected maintaining my weight with my daughter while breastfeeding, and I did. I was able to lose 20lbs but stalled after that. Fortunately I didn't become discouraged. I relaxed and enjoyed my time off with baby and filled my days with babywearing walks and time with my newly completed family.
Around her first birthday, she had slowed down nursing and I began to lose weight again. By July 2010 I had gotten down to 227lbs and was feeling better than ever. I went on a trip to Vancouver with my best friend and bought size 16 shorts! I have always needed a size or two bigger on the bottom than on the top, so I was so thrilled. I continued to work hard and saw 199lbs for the first time since 1994, on November 10th, 2010 - just in time for the holiday season.
I did my best over the winter to control my weight. It wasn't easy, considering it was so cold and snowy that I had very few outings outside aside from going to/from work. I was 208lbs when spring arrived. I was okay with this. I hadn't thrown my hands up in the air like I had every time before. I gained 9lbs over the winter - big deal!
I did a Game On challenge in January which really reinforced to me why structured weight loss programs don't work for me (I'll talk about this in another post). I felt worse than I had in years during that month, feeling so controlled and obsessed by the scale and my weight. The pounds I lost were regained in February. That spoke volumes to me. I had already found what worked for me; It was a great reminder of why never to restrict myself again.
I started running again in April. Now in June, I am running 5k without stopping (today's time was 34:11!). My ongoing goal is to do 5k in 30min. Every week I'm shaving a few seconds off each kilometer. My ultimate goal: an Iron Man. Realistically, it's not going to happen this year. Probably not in the next few years. But someday - life is short, but not that short. I can't wait for all of the things to come.
I began working out as soon as I was cleared by my doctor. The first 40lbs came off fairly easily. Then I stalled - for almost a year. I learned that my body doesn't like to lose weight when I'm breastfeeding. It was frustrating because I had always heard that breastfeeding was a sure-fire way to drop weight by the tonne. When my son weaned at 17mos, I dropped 30lbs within a month. I started running, and completed 2 trail races. I became pregnant with my 3rd child midway through 2008 and tried my best to control my weight gain.
When she was born in March 2009, I was 265lbs. Surprisingly, I felt better than I had with either of my first 2 pregnancies. I attribute a lot to regular chiropractic adjustments and a lot of walking. I expected maintaining my weight with my daughter while breastfeeding, and I did. I was able to lose 20lbs but stalled after that. Fortunately I didn't become discouraged. I relaxed and enjoyed my time off with baby and filled my days with babywearing walks and time with my newly completed family.
Around her first birthday, she had slowed down nursing and I began to lose weight again. By July 2010 I had gotten down to 227lbs and was feeling better than ever. I went on a trip to Vancouver with my best friend and bought size 16 shorts! I have always needed a size or two bigger on the bottom than on the top, so I was so thrilled. I continued to work hard and saw 199lbs for the first time since 1994, on November 10th, 2010 - just in time for the holiday season.
I did my best over the winter to control my weight. It wasn't easy, considering it was so cold and snowy that I had very few outings outside aside from going to/from work. I was 208lbs when spring arrived. I was okay with this. I hadn't thrown my hands up in the air like I had every time before. I gained 9lbs over the winter - big deal!
I did a Game On challenge in January which really reinforced to me why structured weight loss programs don't work for me (I'll talk about this in another post). I felt worse than I had in years during that month, feeling so controlled and obsessed by the scale and my weight. The pounds I lost were regained in February. That spoke volumes to me. I had already found what worked for me; It was a great reminder of why never to restrict myself again.
I started running again in April. Now in June, I am running 5k without stopping (today's time was 34:11!). My ongoing goal is to do 5k in 30min. Every week I'm shaving a few seconds off each kilometer. My ultimate goal: an Iron Man. Realistically, it's not going to happen this year. Probably not in the next few years. But someday - life is short, but not that short. I can't wait for all of the things to come.
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